Language matters. The decision to use the phrase “hold my mule” on a post about emotional intelligence was a conscious one. For some of you, the phrase might conjure up a specific state of being. Others of you may not have the slightest idea what hold my mule means or the context in which it is being used. When a euphemistic phrase is used to represent an emotion, it can create confusion and misunderstanding. Take a moment to reflect on phrases like “Hold my earrings” “I’m losing my mind” “Catch a case” “Going postal” or “I’m having a nervous breakdown”. Notice what these phrases have in common. They’re all reactive. Sometimes, and not always on a conscious level, we use language for defensive purposes such as to keep things polite and nice, avoid unpleasant feelings, or prevent deeper inquiry. Reactive phrases create a barrier between us and the emotion that we are experiencing at the time. It’s like we’re saying on a subconscious level, I can’t look at my emotion, but I can react so hold my mule!

Turns out that naming emotions is challenging. Don’t believe me? Try it now. Take a moment to reflect on how you feel in this moment. What words did you come up with? Fine? Okay? Angry? Are there more nuanced ways of describing how you feel? Devalued? Content? Motivated? Annoyed? The good news is that the better you become at naming your emotions, the better your body becomes at managing them. Journaling can be an effective way to practice naming your emotions accurately. In a future post, I will explain why this skill can be life changing. Maybe that’s a little dramatic, but you get the point.

I have a central question for you to think about. Stress can be enormously important, but what does it actually mean?  When you say, “I’m stressed, ”  what are you actually experiencing? What is the emotion behind your stress?